Our church had a marriage retreat this weekend. Since it was happening on the weekend of the opening of the winter Olympic games, the retreat was planned with an olympics theme. It was called "Inspire the Fire", and all the breakout sessions were the names of winter olympic events. Ken and I led the Curling Team or the Conflict Resolution Session.
We've been married for 22 years (11 years without kids and 11 years with kids). From day one of our marriage and for the whole of our married life, we have lived far away from our families. We were forced from day one to figure it out on our own. During the first eleven of those years, we had newlywed struggles, seminary struggles, infertility struggles, establishing a counseling practice and all the struggles that go with that, just to name a few. The last eleven years have seen adoption struggles, job and home balance struggles, ministry struggles as well as the everyday struggles of life we all face on a daily basis. We have had ample opportunities to learn about how to deal with conflict in marriage. Here are six things we've learned about resolving conflict and having a strong marriage.
You have to...
...find the truth in the conflict.
...face the conflict head-on.
...fight to reconcile - not to win.
...filter the outside forces that will derail your marriage.
...fall in love all over again.
...focus on the spiritual side of your marriage.
I love this quote (not sure who said it):
"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatability."
All marriages have conflict, and every conflict is an opportunity for God to show you something about yourself and something about who He is. Every time you weather one well, your marriage grows stronger. I am grateful for every conflict that has brought us to where we are today in our marriage.
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