~ He's the Light in the Darkness

Photo from here

A few days ago, my husband, who happens to be the pastor, had finished his sermon and we had just finished the closing song. Several times throughout the service that day, people had walked up to him, whispered in his ear. I could tell there was a problem. When he got up to dismiss the congregation, he shared that he had received word (and had someone confirming details throughout the service) that there was a gunman on the west side of our city who had just shot a police office and that there were others who were in harm's way. As a family, we prayed for the safety of those involved and for this man with a gun. Later that day, it was confirmed that one police officer had been killed and another officer and his canine unit had been critically injured.

Today, my boys and I were having lunch at McDonalds when my oldest son noticed people parking in the McDonalds' parking lot and then crossing the street. We thought it strange because there is nothing across from McDonalds. And then we realized they were crossing to the median and just standing there, waiting in the freezing rain. That's when we saw the first police car go by. Once we realized what we were watching, we turned around in amazement as squad car after squad car passed by. Some of those having lunch got up and went to the window. A few even made their way out to the median to join the others. We watched for what seemed like a really long time as this long precessional of police cars, ambulances, firetrucks and more led the way as the hearse carried this young officer's body to the church to prepare for a service this evening.

As I sat there watching this moving display of commraderie and brotherhood, I couldn't help but think of Ken's sermon on Sunday. Just before he made the shocking announcement to our congregation, he had been speaking from the book of Joshua about how some decisions affect the whole community. We've been in a series on the life of Joshua called Big Shoes, and this particular Sunday, we focused on Joshua's leadership as he came face to face with how one man's sin, Achan, impacted more than just himself. Achan had disobeyed God and as a result of that one decision, his sons and daughters and even the whole of Israel paid the price. (You can read the story of Israel's defeat and God's judgement in the book of Joshua, chapters 7 & 8.)

Today, our flags are flying at half-mast in the state of Wisconsin. There are blue ribbons on lampposts, street signs, tree trunks and parked cars in honor of this fallen hero. There are family members grieving, co-workers devastated, a child left fatherless, and a community rocked by this tragedy.

Because of Joshua's leadership in the story of Achan, because he cared more about the honor of God's name than he did about himself (Ch. 7, vs. 9), he led Israel to unite and purify themselves, and God led them in a great victory.

My prayer is that somehow, as this city walks through this tragedy, God's great name will be honored and this city will see great victory!

Sunday, we sang this song in our service before we knew what this city would be facing. Just pause the player in the upper right column to listen.

~ When All the World Is Still

When all the world is still...

...wrapped in blankets white,

God speaks in the silence.

The winds have come and the clouds have delivered a fresh covering of snow to remind us that His love covers everything.

Worship Him wherever you are today.

We're not going anywhere!

Enjoy!

(To listen, just pause my player in the right column.)

~ No Promise Can Compare

Yesterday, we started our countdown to Christmas, marking the days with small little mittens filled with treasures as we prepare for Christ's coming. This year, in addition to our traditional countdown, we began an advent devotional from one of my favorite writers, Ann over at Holy Experience. The passage for Dec. 1st took us right back to the beginning of the story of Jesus' coming - right there in the book of Genesis.

We have spent alot of time in the book of Genesis lately. Our history curriculum for the year covers the Old Testament and Egypt. Our Bible curriculum covers Genesis through Joshua. In our read aloud, we have been reading the Genesis commentary that I raved about here. And my oldest son's Omnibus curriculum had him reading and studying the book of Genesis for the first month of school. As I opened the devotional for yesterday's reading, I wondered if I might hear their little voices moan with, "We've already done this."



But Ann has a way. As we read the verses about the Fall and Eve's decision to sin once again, we caught a glimpse of Christmas, right there in the words God uses to curse the serpent.

"And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."

Their little minds didn't catch it at first because, as Ann put it, it was only a whisper, a hint of what was to come.

Jesus!

Christmas!

Right there in the first book of the Bible.

As we discussed it, their little eyes sparkled with realization. Jesus is coming. It was God's plan from the very beginning. The Old Testament confirming the New Testament. Or perhaps it is actually the New Testament that confirms the Old.

At the end of the devotional, Ann's challenge was to sing a worship song or a Christmas carol to invite Christ to come be with us. My oldest immediately responded with, "Mom, I have Shout to the Lord on my Ipod." I told him that would be great. I knew we probably all knew that one.

He grabbed his Ipod and began to play the song. I was blown away that I was getting to worship with my children in school for the first time. (I'm quite sure that is their first experience with that!) As we got to the chorus, we sang louder. Then we sang the words that will give new meaning to Christmas for my boys this year -

"Nothing compares to the promise I have in You!"

God is amazing. He is weaving His story together for my boys. We've been preparing for Christmas for the last three months, and we didn't even know it. We've studied creation. We've studied the fall. We've studied the curse. And now, my boys understand even better the promise that God made from the very beginning. Jesus is coming. There's no promise that can compare to that!

And this year, we'll be ready!

Take a moment and enjoy our favorite new Christmas song; after all, it's all about Jesus.

Just press pause on the music player in the top right margin.

This is the Lincoln Brewster version my son had on his Ipod.

Let the Little Children Come To Me

One of my boys got baptized at church today.

(Daddy got to do the honors!)

Here's his faith story for all you grandparents, aunts and uncles who couldn't be there.

(Sorry about the poor photo. I'll post better ones when I get them.)

My name is Aidan, and I am 8 years old. Before I decided to follow Jesus, I was sad because I had not met Him, and I knew I would not be happy without Him. During church one Sunday, I wrote a prayer saying that I want to follow Jesus my whole life, and then I showed it to my mom. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to forgive my sins. I prayed in my heart.

My life is happy now because He forgave me. He will not leave my heart. I read the Bible a lot now. So far, I have read the books of John and Philippians and I am reading Matthew now. I like to read it because it teaches me about God. I want to follow what the Bible teaches me so I can be more like Jesus.

We are so proud of Aidan. He is growing into such a fine young man. He reads his Bible almost every night and is quick to remind us if we don't say our prayers. He is very perceptive about spiritual things, diligent to always give his best, compassionate toward others and always strives to do the right thing. His teachers give outstanding reports concerning his academics and his behavior. He is a delight, and we are constantly reminded what a gift he is to us.

We love you, Aidan!

Simple Trust in a Powerful God

Last night my husband drove my oldest son and two boys from the hood to our youth group. On the way home, he asked them what they learned. Here's how the conversation went:

Friend 1:

"We learned that God can dig a hole and throw you in a bunch of hot lava."

(Of course, I am paraphrasing since I was not in the car and heard the story second hand. Pretty sure his comment was something pretty close to the hot lava thing!)

My son:

"Dad, we learned that we aren't supposed to be afraid of God but that we need to fear Him and that if He wanted to, He could dig a hole and throw us in with hot lava because we all deserve it."

Friend 2:
"I don't believe that anyway (that God is capable of doing that)."

My son and Friend 1:
(Bewildered by their friend's response)

"You don't?!"

Friend 2:
"Well, He can't stop a meteor."

My son and Friend 1:

(said incredulously, at the same time)

"Yeah, He can. He can do anything He wants!"

I love that sweet simple trust,

and the boldness it takes to stand up to your friend who has it all wrong.

It's one thing to doubt when you're young and still trying to figure things out, but I know many adults who say they believe in God and yet, their actions prove that they are really more like this young man. They doubt that God can do and be what they need Him to do and be. They have an inaccurate and an inadequate view of God. They choose to serve and worship their wimpy version of God and so their service and worship, quite frankly, is wimpy as well.

The truth of the matter is this:

The very same God who made that meteor

can in fact stop it

IF HE SO CHOOSES.

This same God only had to speak the words, and the world was formed from nothing. He can make rivers flow on barren heights and turn the desert into pools of water (Isaiah 41).

The same mountains that He formed with power melt like wax before Him (Psalm 97), and the seas He filled with water calm at the sound of voice (Mark 4:39).

He is a powerful God - no, He is All-powerful!

He can do everything He says He will do,

and it's in Him we find the power to live this life.

I hope when I come across someone's path that has an inadequate view of God that I will introduce them to the All-powerful, Almighty God of the Bible.

If my son can do it, so can I!

Here is your God!

See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,

and his arm rules for him...

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,

or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?

Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,

or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?

Who has understood the mind of the LORD,

or instructed him as his counselor?

Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,

and who taught him the right way?

Who was it that taught him knowledge

or showed him the path of understanding...
"To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one,

and calls them each by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength,

not one of them is missing...

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

(Isaiah 40:9-31)

I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me.

I make known the end from the beginning,

from ancient times, what is still to come.

I say: My purpose will stand,

and I will do all that I please.

From the east I summon a bird of prey;

from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.

What I have said, that will I bring about;

what I have planned, that will I do.

(Isaiah 46:10-11)

It's Really Not All About Me

Yesterday was a great day for several reasons.

Reason #1
We had an awesome service at church. We had a guest speaker to begin our series called "iworship", and his focus was the verse from Hebrews 12 about worshipping God acceptably with reverence and awe because "our God is a consuming fire". He painted a picture for us of what a consuming fire really is. It was an amazing eye-opener for our congregation. We experienced God's presence like never before. I had the privilege of leading the worship team, and to close the service, I sang a duet with a friend of mine. We sang a song called "You Won't Relent". The words are powerful. Have a listen. (By the way, that's not me singing!) (Go to the bottom of the page and pause my player first.)



Reason #2
We had lunch with the guest speaker and his wife after church. She was very cute and at one point she said to me, "Seriously, do you read alot about parenting or how do you get your children to be this way because I really want my children to act like your boys." I was blown away. Had she just said that she thought my boys were well behaved? All I could think to say at that moment was , "I yell - a LOT!" When I recovered, I mentioned that we have always believed in first time obedience - that it's crucial that children understand that parents mean what they say and that you expect them to do what you tell them. Of course when I got home, I thought of all of these other wise words of wisdom for her. For example, children are a part of the family; they don't run the home. Too many homes are child centered, and we're seeing a world full of selfish children. (I could preach a message, but I'll spare you.)

Most of the time, I feel like I'm winging it as a parent. I guess we all do. Nobody ever told me that being a mom was the hardest thing I would ever do. And now I'm on that slippery slope of raising a pre-teen and all that comes with it like learning when to give him some freedoms and trusting his decisions about things and letting him make mistakes. It's scary, because the older he gets, the bigger and more costly the mistakes. Well, that's all another post. Let me just say I said a huge thank you to my Heavenly Father for filling in all the gaps where I messed up in the past. It's only by His grace and mercy that my children have survived my parenting. To have someone acknowledge and affirm the boys' behavior was very encouraging and humbling. They are very good boys!

Reason #3
When I got home from church, there was a beautiful box on my counter. My friend, Nichole, had stopped by and put it there. (I'm horrified that she saw the state of my house on a Sunday morning.) It had a note that simply said, "It was a pleasure to experience worship with you this morning." In the box were 300 (yes 300) sheets of beautiful scrapbooking paper. She knows I love pretty paper. (She also brought dinner over one night while Ken was in Indonesia.) What a gift her friendship is to me, and it's only just begun. I look forward to next Sunday, because her team is leading.

When your family is in full-time ministry, sometimes Sunday is not the best day. I mean you spend all morning readying the family without the help of dad who had to be at church two hours earlier. You spend all morning at church (and I mean "all" morning) chasing the baby and looking over your shoulder making sure the kids are behaving by yourself because dad is in the middle of his 15th conversation (with adults not children) and the baby falls asleep on the way home only to wake up totally rested (at least he thinks so) after the 10 minute car ride and refuses to take a nap. Some weeks you do lunch by yourself with the kids because dad has a meeting, or you grab a quick family lunch only to have dad go back to the office for some reason. I'm not complaining. It's just a fact of life. It's not always the best day in my week.

But yesterday was a good day! I worshipped. I was challenged. I had lunch with my husband. I made new friends. The kids behaved. My parenting was affirmed. I used my gift. My leadership was affirmed. Let me say after all those I's and My's, I know worship is not about me or what I need. And while Ken and I do not see Sunday as our Sabbath day (we protect Saturdays for that), God refreshed my soul yesterday in ways that I did not even know I needed. He's amazing that way!

You Are Autumn

I walked into my kitchen today and it was glowing. There was a golden glow spilling in through my window. The big maple tree outside my window seemed to surrender to the inevitable overnight. Yesterday it was green. Today it is bright yellow. It reminded me of the beautiful words to Nichole Nordeman's song "Every Season". Enjoy! (To listen to the song, scroll down the page to my playlist and click on #16.)

every evening sky an invitation to trace the patterned stars

and early in July, a celebration for freedom that is ours

and I notice You in children's games, in those who watch them from the shade

every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder

You are Summer

and even when the trees have just surrendered to the harvest time

forfeiting their leaves in late September and sending us inside

still I notice you when change begins, and I am braced for colder winds

I will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come

You are Autumn

and everything in time and under heaven finally falls asleep

wrapped in blankets white, all creation shivers underneath

and still I notice you when branches crack, and in my breath on frosted glass

even now in death You open doors for life to enter

You are Winter

and everything that's new has bravely surfaced, teaching us to breathe

what was frozen through is newly purposed, turning all things green

so it is with You and how You make me new with every season's change

and so it will be as You are re-creating me

Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring

(Witten by Nichole Nordeman)

Little Deaths

Let me say at the outset that I am sorry if this post gets long. It's been a long time swirling in my head and has to come out. I promise to be quirky and pithy next post!


We're in a series at church right now called "Facebook! Healthy Spritual Living". The focus this week is "Inviting Unusual Friends". We are focusing on welcoming loss and grief into your life. In trying to think about how to lead the congregation Sunday morning (leading worship), I've been thinking about loss and grief in my own life. Most of the time, I think of grief and loss as strangers to me. I have not experienced great tradgedy in my life other than the loss of grandparents and one or two dear friends. While I grieved the loss of these dear ones, most of these losses were also occasions to celebrate lives that had been lived for Christ and to rejoice that they are now worshipping their Savior face to face!


As I have thought about the topic more this week, I have come to realize that I am more familiar with grief and loss than I have thought. While physical tragedy has not visited my life often, I have felt the blow of many "little deaths" in my life. I'm referring to losses that take a toll on your soul even when you don't realize it - the loss of moving away from the family you love, realizing the career path I chose wasn't what I wanted to do with my life, the death of a dream, the loss of family time that comes in ministry (usually I give it up willingly - not always - Hey, I'm not perfect!), and many others. Sometimes loss comes like a storm in the night. While we might have some indication that it's coming, we are surprised when we wake to find tree branches down and chairs blown over, but we are grateful the house is still standing. Loss can be like that. It leaves us a little shaken, but we're still standing firm. And then there are those times when loss is more like a flood. It totally blind sides us. We are not prepared for it, and it leaves us feeling like we're about to go under.


This past two years, I have experienced quite a few little deaths - the loss of friendships, the loss of respect for those who say they walk with Christ but do not reflect His character in the tough moments, the loss of beautiful family moments that can never be recaptured, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, many of them came into my life like a flood and what was left in the aftermath was not pretty. God knows all the moments my heart grieved. He knows the effect those losses have had in my life and in my family's life. Some I weathered better than others, and some I may never get over. While I did not choose these pains and I did not welcome them at the time, these losses turned out to be, as the series title suggests, unusual friends. "How's that?" you ask. In the moments of loss and grief, I turned to the One who knows me like no other. I sought Him, and I got to know Him better because no one else could understand the depth of grief I felt. And after all, isn't knowing Him and then conforming to His heart what it's all about.


In times of loss, people do one of two things: they grope around in the dark and choose to stay there or they turn to the Light (the truth of God's Word). I have a dear friend (Tim) who used to say (probably still does), "Trust Him in the dark; obey Him in the light." It's the trusting that is key. Do we believe He is who He says He is? Do we believe He will do what He says He will do? If the answer is yes, then we are compelled to obey Him, to go to His word and seek out the answers for the pain and the grief and the hurt. I believe as we obey Him in the light (in the knowledge of His Word), that is when we find it easier to let go and that is when He is most glorified in our suffering.


When things are hard, some people journal. It helps them process the pain. Here are some of the things I have tried to do during the "groping in the dark' these past two years that helped me process and turn to the Light of His Word and be obedient.

• Keeping a record of God's goodness - I started trying to write every day about the goodness of God in my life. It's amazing how He reveals His goodness to You when You look to Him! Sometimes it's hard to see the goodness when you are focused on yourself and your pain. So I stopped being so self-involved.



• Mystery Box - Sitting on top of my piano is a box, a special box. I call it a mystery box. (My brother gave me the idea.) In it are little reminders of things in my life that I don't understand. While I was groping for answers one day, I pulled it out. I read a letter from a mentor's dad telling me she had passed away. I read a Christmas letter from a friend describing the struggle her family was experiencing related to her husband's cancer. I saw the picture of the house in Virgin Gorda we gave up when our son broke his leg. I saw the picture of Jae-Jae our cat who died after one year (my son put that one in). And there are other reminders. Going through this box helped. It reminded me that there are just some things we are not meant to know right now. It also reminded me that I survived each one of those moments of pain and it gave me hope that I would be ok - again! And the best part, some of the things I read in the box that were once mysteries, I now see God's purposes in them. We won't always be able to see things clearly in this life, but sometimes, He shows us where He was in a particular storm and how He used it for our good and His glory. We will continue to use our mystery box to remind us and teach our children that God comes near to the brokenhearted and He always hears us when we call on Him. Somehow, the opening the box and physically putting something in that we can't make sense of is like declaring, "I don't understand this but I'm trusting it into Your hands." You should try it!



• Interceeding - My mom's father died tragically when she was 13. I remember her saying that she knew there was no one who could possibly understand how she felt and she had no one to talk to, but she knew she could always talk to Jesus. She knew He understood loss. This was a 13-year-old! My mom is a wise woman who loved Jesus then and loves Him even more today. I have never forgotten that. In ministry, sometimes there is no one you can speak to about certain matters. It stinks, but it's just the truth. Oh sure, you can talk to your spouse obviously, but sometimes he's in a worse place than you are. I remember several times over these last years waking in the night to see my husband kneeling at the couch. I knew he was confused, heartbroken, and unsure what to do. On those nights, I just crawled back in my bed and began talking to Jesus for him. I knew Jesus understood his pain, and it was all I could do for him at the time. I interceeded. And I know there were nights when I was "sleeping" and I'd feel his hand on my shoulder and realize that he was praying for me. He interceeded for me. And I remember nights when the reality that "hurt people hurt people" hit really hard and we suffered from their hurting. We'd lie in our bed and ask God to be real for these people as well. Sometimes, we didn't want to, but we did it anyway. We interceeded for them. It's hard to harbor resentment when you are asking God to show them favor. (again - focusing on others instead of self - I see a theme here)

I certainly am not implying I always grieve the proper way. I mean, hey, I get angry. I rehearse things I would say to people if given the opportunity or if I was braver. (Don't you! And I always think of the perfect thing to say - in my head.) I yell at God sometimes, too. I take things out on my family when I'm hurt. I shut down when the pain is too real and just push people away. I am aware that I do these things. I know they are not how God wants me to respond. And I am ashamed at the ugliness of my sin. This is not the person I want to be. This is the person who stays in the dark, living out of her own strength. Eventually, when my strength is gone, I come running to Him who is all powerful. In Him is where I find the strength to be someone different. Someone who doesn't stay in the dark. That's not where I want to live. It's ugly in the dark.

Ok, so I've learned alot about Him these last few years. Here are some of the truths He taught me in the letting go:

• He is in control (Psalm 29:10) The LORD sits enthroned over the flood; the LORD is enthroned as King forever. He's even in charge of the flood. There is never a moment when things are beyond His control.

• He sees (EL-Roi: The God who sees) I don't have to wonder if He sees my pain or if He sees injustice. He sees it all.



• He defends me (Jehovah-Nissi: The Lord is my banner) God defends His people. He lifts them up in the battle. I don't have to get defensive. It's hard not to want to prove ourselves. But we don't have to give in to that urge.



• He is with me (Jehovah-Shammah: The Lord Is there) I am never alone. Even when I can't talk to anyone or I've shut everyone out, He's there.



• An open hand helps the heart heal faster. If I live with tight fists, clinging to everything and everyone I love, then I have no hand to grasp His hand when He wants to extend comfort, or healing, or some new measure of goodness. In the letting go, there is hope and newness.

So back to Sunday. How shall I lead? What can I do to enlarge our picture of who God is? How will I help us have a moment where our realities come face to face with the Divine? These are the struggles I face as a leader. This Sunday, I will definitely lead from a place in my heart no one usually sees. The place that knows from experience that He is sufficient - for everything I need. And from that place, I hope they will see His sufficiency for them!

Here's a reminder for you of His sufficiency. He is everything you need! Enjoy!

In My Weakness, He Is Strong

I didn't sleep well last night. I am coming down with a cold so it was hard to breathe, but I had just gotten home from rehearsal. I never sleep well after rehearsal. My blood is usually still pumping, and I usually obsess over committing the songs to memory the way we rehearsed them so that when Sunday rolls around, I remember what I'm doing.

Last night, I was profoundly impacted by the fact that I was surrounded by an incredible amount of talent and skill. It was the first time I had worked with three of the band members, but as the night progressed, it was evident they all knew how to use their instruments - very well! I found myself thinking, "What in the world am I doing here? These people are so gifted! I have no formal music training. I don't even play an instrument." I spent the majority of the rehearsal doing a balancing act between being totally intimidated by their abilities and feeling absolutely relieved that I could relax in those abilities because they all new what they were doing even when I wasn't sure what I was doing! The night ended and somehow despite the feelings of inadequacy I had confirmation that I was doing one of the things I was created to do. I affirmed the band and told them it had been a privilege working with people of their skill and ability. I just really wanted them to understand how blessed I felt to be there, when one of the band guys said, "Well, you're a great leader." I simply said, "Thank you," but inside it was like a light went off. It's like I heard God say, "Karen, your gift is just as important to my work as that guitar or that set of drums. I gave you the instrument of leadership. Practice it. Develop it. Use it to bring honor to me." I also sensed Him saying to me, "It's okay to feel inadequate. But don't live there. Don't feel sorry for yourself. In your inadequacies, I can do great things. In your weakness, I am strong. In your insufficiency, I can show myself as sufficient, not just to you, but to those you lead." That's what I want! I want people to see Him. I want people to experience His greatness. I want people to come face to face with His perfectness so they can realize how imperfect they are. That's when transformation happens. That's when lives are changed. And I play a critical part in that! I can use my instrument. What's your instrument?

Thanks for meeting me right where I was last night, God. I needed that!