I didn't sleep well last night. I am coming down with a cold so it was hard to breathe, but I had just gotten home from rehearsal. I never sleep well after rehearsal. My blood is usually still pumping, and I usually obsess over committing the songs to memory the way we rehearsed them so that when Sunday rolls around, I remember what I'm doing.
Last night, I was profoundly impacted by the fact that I was surrounded by an incredible amount of talent and skill. It was the first time I had worked with three of the band members, but as the night progressed, it was evident they all knew how to use their instruments - very well! I found myself thinking, "What in the world am I doing here? These people are so gifted! I have no formal music training. I don't even play an instrument." I spent the majority of the rehearsal doing a balancing act between being totally intimidated by their abilities and feeling absolutely relieved that I could relax in those abilities because they all new what they were doing even when I wasn't sure what I was doing! The night ended and somehow despite the feelings of inadequacy I had confirmation that I was doing one of the things I was created to do. I affirmed the band and told them it had been a privilege working with people of their skill and ability. I just really wanted them to understand how blessed I felt to be there, when one of the band guys said, "Well, you're a great leader." I simply said, "Thank you," but inside it was like a light went off. It's like I heard God say, "Karen, your gift is just as important to my work as that guitar or that set of drums. I gave you the instrument of leadership. Practice it. Develop it. Use it to bring honor to me." I also sensed Him saying to me, "It's okay to feel inadequate. But don't live there. Don't feel sorry for yourself. In your inadequacies, I can do great things. In your weakness, I am strong. In your insufficiency, I can show myself as sufficient, not just to you, but to those you lead." That's what I want! I want people to see Him. I want people to experience His greatness. I want people to come face to face with His perfectness so they can realize how imperfect they are. That's when transformation happens. That's when lives are changed. And I play a critical part in that! I can use my instrument. What's your instrument?
Thanks for meeting me right where I was last night, God. I needed that!
