~ When Your Plan is not His Plan

Old San Juan

It all started with a dream:

To feel rest

To go for walks

To sleep late

To heal

To finish a conversation

To linger over late night dinners

To watch the sunset in peace

To recharge

To have the honeymoon we never had

To find us again

After seven years of grueling ministry, we would spend the last 10 days of a 10 week sabbatical celebrating our 20 years of marriage, just the two of us. The plans were made, the house was rented and the tickets were purchased.

Cypress House on Virgin Gorda

After a week in the mountains of Colorado as a family and after traveling for two days to get to my parents' home in Tennessee where the kids would be staying, we were less than 36 hours from strolling the cobbled streets of Old San Juan and exploring the exotic pools and grottos of The Baths on beautiful Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands.

The Baths, Virgin Gorda

It was June 30th. We had just arrived at my parents' home and shared a wonderful dinner with our extended family when I heard his scream. It was my (then) five-year-old. He had been playing hide and seek in the dark with his cousins when his sixteen-year-old cousin fell on him and broke both bones in his lower left leg. We rushed him to the emergency room where they told us they couldn't even cast it for ten days until the swelling was completely gone. He would have to be carried everywhere for those ten days. Knowing my parents could not manage the constant lifting required (and knowing I could never leave my child in such a state), we made the hard call to cancel our flights, to cancel our dream trip.

Copper Mine, Virgin Gorda

For weeks, after returning home, I mourned the loss of everything we had given up: the big, beautiful house on the beach, the gorgeous hotel in Old San Juan, the time to focus on each other, the adventure of travel. When our actual anniversary finally came in August, we took an overnight to a very nice spa. It was lovely, but in my heart, it couldn't compare to the trip I had spent hours planning and looking forward to. I couldn't understand God's purpose in all of it. Why wouldn't he want our marriage to be stronger? Why wouldn't he want us to come back refreshed and renewed?

My son was a trooper all summer long, and finally, the day before he started kindergarten in September, his cast was removed. His leg had healed well, but my heart was still in shambles. A few days later, God's plan began to make a little more sense. After 20 years of infertility, 20 years of marriage, and three adopted children, I found out I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. Needless to say, when the shock wore off, there was much celebration in our home. Seven months later at the age of 43, following a very difficult pregnancy, I gave birth to a miracle. God had planned for us to take a very different trip than the one I had been planning to take.

The Baths, Virgin Gorda

Now, I am preparing to celebrate my miracle's second birthday this Sunday. As I reflect on how God brought him into our lives, I'll be honest. Sometimes, I still wonder about God's timing and His plan. It's not how I would have done things, but for some reason, He chose to do it this way. And this is what I know for sure: When you say yes to living out His plan for your life, you have to be willing to say "no" to your own plans, no matter how long you planned and no matter how long you dreamed. When you live with that kind of open-handedness, holding loosely to your own desires, willing to let go, He can take your hand and lead you places you never thought you would go. For me, He answered a prayer I had stopped praying a decade ago, and now, I can't imagine life without my miracle. I may never get to see the walls surrounding Old San Juan and I may never get to swim in that gorgeous pool on Virgin Gorda...

Cypress House Pool

...but life is an adventure everyday when you embrace His plan for your life.

Today, I'm saying "no" to my plans and "yes" to His. Read how others are Walking with Him today @ Holy Experience.